Dance your way through perimenopause. No, seriously, it can help.
Photography by Jason Leung
Story by Natasha Marie
“Many times I feel it’s simply what we decide to believe that keeps us fearful of change.”
Editor’s note: Welcome to our special four-part series that gets to the root of perimenopausal pain: our pelvic floor. While it is written from a cis-gender perspective, we want to make it clear that perimenopause can also affect trans men and non-binary people and we are actively working towards being more inclusive in our language and storytelling.
There’s something that I’ve noticed about the challenge of perimenopause, menopause, and post-menopause and it has to do with with something we all struggle with: change.
We have an undying love affair with the idea of “going back in time,” as if the key to happiness lies behind us, somewhere in the past. From political rhetoric like “Make America Great Again” to pop culture in movies like “Back to the Future,” our culture romanticizes the past. What was so seductive, in what we saw or experienced, that we are constantly chasing it? A memory? A feeling? Familiarity? Whatever it was, as long as we look backward, we stand to miss what is and what could be. Perhaps that’s intentional.
Humans are not hardwired for change. We resist change with every fiber of our being, especially when that change is riddled with struggle. Perimenopause heralds new changes and experiences in our bodies and minds, many we would rather not have to deal with, like pelvic pain, incontinence, and massive hormonal shifts. It makes sense that we are doubling back to a time when we could control our bodies or situations.
Unfortunately for us, time machines are not a viable technology (yet). If it’s happiness we seek, then our task is to accept our present circumstances. However, that is easier said than done.
Jessica’s Story
No one understands the struggle of adapting and evolving like Jessica Phoenix, “During my trauma, recovery, and rehabilitation, I realized that I wasn’t progressing if I mourned the past too much or if I rushed the process. I needed to acknowledge my pain, honor my feelings before I could begin recreating what my new life could be.”
It was a car accident that caused Jessica’s trauma and pelvic floor disorder. But whether it’s brought about by hormones or an accident, trauma to our bodies is unexpected, unwelcomed, and unavoidable. We’re all forced to reckon with our circumstances and hopefully, heal from them. What other choice do we have?
Today, Jessica empowers and heals women through movement. As a dancer, choreographer, certified fitness instructor, and women’s wellness coach, she fundamentally believes movement is medicinal. As the founder of the FIYAH Culture & Wellness she’s created the Ignite Your Fiyah MOVEment community to share her passion and knowledge with her community, and with us.
Jessica, movement is an important theme in your life. Can you tell us a little more about that?
I have been dancing since I was 6 years old, ballet, tap, jazz, lyrical, all of it. I literally never stopped, except for the accident. I specialize in dance styles from the Black Diaspora Music and Movement: Afro House, House, Afrobeats, Soca, Soukous, Hip Hop, Reggae Dancehall. For those who aren’t familiar, Black Diaspora has roots in Sub-Saharan Africa and has traveled and influenced the Americas and Caribbean Islands.
Why Black Diaspora?
I’ve always gravitated towards working with African and Caribbean-based movements that allow you to be strong, sensual, dynamic, and fully expressive. My passion for Diaspora dance continues to grow right up to this moment because it helped me persevere through my experiences. I had to learn to release trauma physically, mentally, and emotionally. And because of my experience, my classes take a body-mind-spirit approach and emphasize movement that supports the pelvic area. I want to inspire and empower women with education, body awareness, trauma healing, mindfulness, stretching, and breathing.
Can you talk about the significance of the pelvis in the dance you teach?
The pelvis, hips, base of the spine, stomach, and lower back are such key areas to focus on when it comes to overall wellness and healing. Loving these parts of yourself is such a beautiful and necessary practice for every woman. I teach several specialty classes that incorporate dance styles that work your pelvic floor and work the parts of the body that support pelvic health. The classes are rooted in foundation and form that requires grounded posture, open and mobile hips, healthy spine, engaged core, and fluidity in the waist. For example, my Wake Up and Whine class can be challenging without first addressing any blockages or resistance with slowing down, calming the mind, opening the hips, moving sensually, and activating different isolations.
shop jennifer: the store
You mentioned you stopped dancing due to an accident; would you care to talk about that?
Yes, I was in a severe car accident in 2006. The other driver ran a red light, hit the passenger side where I was sitting, and we slammed into a street lamp. It shattered my pelvis.
As a dancer whose specialty focuses on your pelvis and pelvic function, can you talk about that experience and your journey back to health?
The car accident was by far the most intense and traumatic experience I had ever gone through. The trauma started from the collision and extended to the next year and a half when I truly began to completely recover. In many ways, I wouldn’t even say ‘completely.’ I would say I evolved into someone new. It was impossible to be the same person after that.
The severity of my shattered pelvis and broken jaw had me in the hospital for months, immobile and on a liquid diet. The pain was one thing, the medication, another, but the depression and anxiety of not doing what made me feel whole put me in a very dark place during that time.
It sounds like the pain was not the most challenging part of your recovery journey, but the mental and emotional battle of changing and adapting to your circumstances. Were there any moments, or pain or healing, that were real epiphanies for you?
The physical pain was like nothing I had ever experienced. It was immensely challenging. One of the main things I learned about the brain is how powerful thoughts really are and how powerful it is to change them. Emotionally, I learned A LOT. The mind-body-spirit connection makes everything all the more intense. When one area is experiencing trauma, it affects the person as a whole. I learned not to be fearful or shameful about my experiences and the thoughts in my mind.
For much of my recovery, I was in a fog. That period was full of ups and deep downs. During my trauma, recovery, and rehabilitation, I realized I wasn’t progressing if I mourned the past and rushed the recovery too much. I needed to acknowledge my pain, honor my feelings and begin focusing on creating what my new life could be. This is how I found I could stay “active” and hopeful, which are the two things I needed to stay alive. I would regress and find myself extremely unhealthy and unstable if I ignored my mental and emotional state or literally lied in the victimization of it all.
A pivotal point for me was the moment when I could walk again. That was it. I knew what it felt like to have it all taken from me. Once I tasted progress, I knew I had to persevere, which fueled my FIYAH for the rest of my journey. Outside of the hospital, my rehabilitation and recovery were not without pain. That, too, was difficult on my heart. I couldn’t immediately jump back into dance without feeling my trauma over and over again in my physical body. It’s funny how pain can scare you yet liberate you.
We hear this sentiment often about going ‘back to the way things were, especially in healing and recovery. However, like your car accident, there was no going back. Why do you think people hold onto this notion of going back?
From the time we are born, our lived experiences begin to instill doubts, fears, anxieties, and stress that bring us out of alignment, trust, and love with ourselves. We become watered-down versions of ourselves to stay “comfortable” because it’s safe. Our brain and body use automatic mechanisms to constantly process and act on fears and threats. So, it all can be pretty challenging to change and rewrite your story. It can be done with resources, support, truth, patience, love, care, and dedication.
Sometimes we need to let go; it’s terrifying, exciting, and confusing, and all so worth it. Many times I feel it’s simply what we decide to believe that keeps us fearful of change. Almost like we would choose a mediocre sure thing instead of a possibility of an incredible thing because of the fear of the unknown.
I believe significant events like accidents and other traumatic experiences can move this process of unlearning and relearning along with great intent. We have the choice, even when it feels like we don’t.
read +
Welcome to Perimenopause (We should probably talk)
When people think of perimenopause, they think of symptoms like hot flashes and irritability. But it's more than that. It’s an entirely new way of relating to your body. It’s personal, it’s emotional, and it’s accompanied by a whole new identity. And we should probably talk about it. [con’t…]
What would you recommend to women struggling with pelvic dysfunction or pelvic pain?
First, I would recommend they consult their physician, health practitioner, or OBGYN. Within my scope of practice as a dance and fitness professional and movement specialist, things that positively affect pelvic health and overall quality of life are regular strength and stretch exercises, hip openers, yoga, breathing, meditation, and diet. And a good, slow whine, squat, and Kegel may go a long way!
My road to pelvic rehabilitation recovery has also involved reestablishing body awareness, acceptance, and love, weekly chiropractor visits, massage therapy, and a deep understanding of physically where I hold my stress and learning how to release it. I commit to my wellness practice every day.
And community. My journey back to health would not have happened without the support of my parents, family, friends, and a doctor who knew I had no choice but to dance again.
You mention “body mind spirit wellness” quite a few times. Can you elaborate on what that means? Is that a philosophy, an ideology?
I’ve come to recognize Body Mind Spirit Wellness as a lifestyle that understands humans are more than the physical self. This way of life considers the body, brain, heart, and soul of a person as all connected; they must coexist to achieve lasting health.
Body Mind Spirit Wellness is a practice that takes a dynamic approach to address all aspects that can contribute to a person’s overall well-being. Body Mind Spirit Wellness practitioners value balance.
I apply my understanding of a person’s unique lived experiences to all my class sessions. I am always trying to provide more than a workout or dance class. I want to provide an experience that hits the core of who we are, body, mind, and spirit. The guiding principles of my business are about empowering your inner Phoenix and igniting your fiyah!
Speaking of embracing yourself and change, who and where are you now in your evolution?
I am Phoenix Fiyah, a black girl with big dreams, and that little girl will always be with me, chasing balance, nurturing love, no longer fearful of flying high, being loud, showing up fully, comfortable with change, learning, and growing. I am constantly evolving, and that’s beautiful. This is just a chapter somewhere in the middle. I am here honoring my past, present, and my future. I am me; I am here. I chose life and will always choose life.
“I am here honoring my past, present, and my future. I am me. I am here. I chose life and will always choose life.”
Jessica’s story illustrates that the suffering of pain can go beyond a physical injury. There’s the emotional aspect of it as well. Change is painful. And part of that pain comes from us having to enter completely uncharted territory within ourselves. It’s fear of the unknown; what will happen, what will my life look like given my circumstances, how will I cope with this?
And with fear comes anger. It’s a part of the grief process. We’re understandably angry that we’re forced to change. It wasn’t our idea for our bodies to change or for us to get into a car accident. In the angry stage of grief we are resistant to the present and future, and so, we back-pedal. We just want to return to the way things used to be, even if that way was an illusion.
But we can’t go back, we can only change. And that’s hard.
Change interrupts deeply established neural connections and pathways. It forces us to literally rewrite and rewire our internal scripts. As Jessica mentioned, once you sustain trauma or an unavoidable experience, there is no returning to what was. It’s impossible. And that’s by design. We are all forever evolving and adapting to our circumstances. But adapting is a choice. We can choose to dwell and ruminate over the past or accept there is no normal; that too. Like happiness, it’s a matter of perspective.
We may not be able to escape pain, but maybe we can see it as a catalyst for our evolution, if only we embrace it.
Natasha Marie is a writer making technology less nebulous and sexual health more accessible by dismantling taboos one word at a time. She’s currently a staff writer for sexual technology company, MysteryVibe, and manages media and public relations for global sextech conference, Sx Tech Eu. photo: Alex Oley